


You Broke Me (Nezushi reunion)

by orphan_account



Category: No. 6 (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Nezumi - Freeform, Reunion, Shion - Freeform, Shounen ai, headcannon, no.6, sad but it's all okay in the end i promise lol, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:49:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6033604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shion hasn't been too good since Nezumi left, but he's been coping for his mother's sake. It's been 2 years, he's getting engaged, going back to school, his life is getting better. He's finally getting a normal life, but is it the life he truly wants?</p><p>------------------------------------<br/>I need closure from how the anime ended and this is just what I imagined</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Faded Colours

Shion rolled over on the hard sofa. His eyes squeezed shut and his eyelashes felt wet. He must have been crying in his sleep again, he thought. Every night these past two years, he's had the same dream, about the same person....  
''But never mind'', he thought, ''today is a new day. With my new life. My life without...'' He stopped short, he wasn't allowing himself to think about these things anymore, it hurt too much. 

He glanced around the room; faded colours and the distinct smell of dog alerted him that he was in Inukashi's hotel. Their new hotel was newly built, filled with clean white interior. Inukashi hated it, and it wasn't long before the place felt like home again. Shion stayed here some nights, the nights he couldn't bear being at home anymore. He couldn't always cope with his new life, and Inukashi was the only thing that reminded him of who he used to be. He sighed and sat up, hearing the faint buzz of life on the floor below him once again. Shion looked into the mirror opposite him, his white hair and snake scar the same as always, but his eyes were their old brown. He'd been wearing contacts for the past two years, the red of his eyes reminded him too much of that day in No. 6. The day he lost himself. 

The months after Nezumi left, Shion had fallen into a deep depression. He lived with his mother in their tiny bakery again. He didn't care about the new No 6, he didn't care about anything. His mother urged him to get out more, find his old friends. He refused, letting his only solace be in Inukashi and Lili, who his mother had been taking care of since her uncle died in No 6 that day. She was a cute kid, with a big heart when she first began staying with them. Now she's nine years old and was one of Shion's only friends. It was Lili who introduced Shion to Anna, one of her school friends big sister, who'd just moved from No 5. Anna had always blushed when she came to collect her sister from Shion's house. Shion never paid much attention to her, until his mother suggested the two go on a date. Shion was secretly furious at the notion that he would ever betray Nezumi, but with every passing day, it grew less and less likely that Nezumi was ever coming back. Shion realized that his moping was making his mother worry, and he felt he had to show her he was okay. He needed to move on, needed to forget about Nezumi and everything that happened between them, for his own sake and his family's.

One day, Anna came to the door, her blond hair braided to the side, eyes wide at the site of Shion. He looked her in the eyes, smiled and asked her out on a date. She blushed furiously, visibly bursting with excitement. She quickly agreed and, pushing a stray strand of her from her face, leaned in and kissed Shion. The kiss was small and fleeting, but it made Shion take a step back. She took her sister and told Shion she would be back soon. Shion smiled and waved, but when he closed the door, he had to run straight to his room. He locked the door behind him and rested his forehead against the cold glass of his window. He thought about the kiss, it was just like the way he'd kissed Nezumi before he tried to leave for No 6 alone. No, it was nothing like the way he kissed Nezumi. The way he kissed Nezumi made his heart race, made him feel like the world had stopped for a second, so it was just the two boys in the whole world for eternity. Anna didn't make him feel like that. He sat down on his bed, tears streaming down his face.  
''Oh, Nezumi,'' he whispered, ''why won't you come back to me?'' and he reached for the covers and sobbed.

That was a year and a half ago. He wasn't as broken. He didn't need Nezumi, he was fine on his own. He didn't half see him on the streets anymore, nor did he imagine kissing him when he kissed Anna. He and Anna had gone out steadily for the next 6 months and moved in together. Every kissed he shared with her felt like a stab, but it made his mother happy to see him with someone again. His mother never knew about Nezumi any further than what Shion had told her; they liberated No 6 together and then went their separate ways. He told her they weren't really friends, just accomplices with similar goals. If only she'd known. If only she'd know how they stuck into each others beds at night, how they'd cook for each other and talk about their dreams in the middle of the night. She couldn't know, it would hurt her. 

Last month, Shion had proposed to Anna. They were getting married next month. She was overjoyed but Shion felt like he'd lost a part of himself. He was fake smiling, holding back how much it pained him to be with her, to kiss her when all he wanted was Nezumi. But he told himself he didn't need Nezumi anymore. He was going to have a life, a good life. To have a good life, Nezumi couldn't become part of it. He finally had the chance to do something with his life and he wasn't going to let the thought of the tall, dark-haired boy weigh him down anymore. 

That's why he was here, in Inukashi's hotel. He'd asked them to keep some of Nezumi's books and other belongings in a room in case he came back. They'd laughed at him, saying the were pretty sure Nezumi was never coming back. They were right. Every once in a while, Shion can't stand being in his house anymore and stays in the room in Inukashi's hotel with Nezumi's things. It was stupid, he knew, to hold onto the past and the memories of the boy, but he couldn't help himself sometimes. He barely ever came anymore, but last night he just had to. Anna had been sitting with him on the sofa, nuzzled into his arms. She leaned up and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his torso. She broke away from his lips, nervously looking into his brown, contact-lens eyes. She sat back on her knees, hands trembling. ''S..Shion..'' she whispered, and began to unbutton her blouse.  
Shion didn't know what to do, this moment had been his greatest fear since he asked her out that day last year. She was looking at him, expectantly, biting her lip. Shion leaned over to her, taking the side of her face in his hands. ''I'm... I'm sorry Anna..''  
She looked so sad, blue eyes glazed over with tears. She took Shion's hand and almost began to speak, but Shion told her he had to go and left for Inukashi's. He was terrified to go back today, but he owed Anna an apology. Excuses flashed through his mind, but he couldn't come up with a good reason to tell her. He wasn't sure why he didn't just do it. ''Nezumi's never coming back and you know it,'' he told himself. He knew he was right.


	2. Wishful thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this is the moment that Shion has been hoping for.. or is it all wishful thinking?

Pushing the cold metal of the doorknob, Shion felt his heart sink at the empty darkness that filled the apartment. Anna was at work. He sighed, the cold are crystallising his breath around his face. Sadness hung around his ankles, as he pressed his hand against the huge glass panelled windows. He frowned at the reflection he saw, his eyes seemed to droop in a way that made him think about the person he used to be. The old Shion would want to hug this person he saw in his reflection, he would want to find Nezumi and make this foreigner in his body happy again. ''There is no happy anymore, truly,'' the thought flickered through his head, but the pushed it away, squeezing his eyes shut. 

He glanced at the yellow light that filled the city, smoke circled the night sky. The former residents of No. 6 had stayed close the old city while the outsiders rebuilt their slums. Nothing really changed, but everyone was happy. Shion wanted to stay in the poor areas with Inukashi, it reminded him of Nezumi. His mother had moved into the inner city with Lilli. Anna had wanted to go with her, but Shion couldn't bear to leave the place that kept Nezumi safe while he was growing up. Anna worked in the inner city, she'd been a nurse back in No. 5 and was taking care of the elderly in the new Butterfly House. She was away all this weekend, so Shion was able to be alone for once. Anna always made and effort to be home to see him, working her schedule around Shion's shifts at the bakery. ''She must have wanted to get out of here, too,'' he thought. He was glad.

The place was cold, he embraced the goosebumps that covered his arms. It felt good to feel again, even if the feeling was freezing. He walked to the closet beside the front door, sliding open the glossy white door. His hand felt for his cardigan, moving along the various fabrics that lined the closet. Anna's soft scarves and brightly coloured coats, his own reddish-brown coat, and something else. He stopped moving his hand instinctively, running his hand down the foreign fabric. He'd looked in this closet every day, this had never been here before. All he could see was some tufty wool and he could smell something faintly that he knew. He hesitated a moment but pulled the fabric out of the closet. He took a step back, letting the long material drop the floor, his hand on one end. He looked down at the familiar mustard yellow scarf, moving his thumb along the tufty, old cloth. He stared at it for a few seconds, taking a step back. He looked at the closet, then back at the yellow cloth. He dropped it, as though it had burned his skin. He closed the closet door and decided he was hallucinating.  
''These past years of pining have finally messed up your mind, Shion,'' he told himself, backing away from the snake of wool that subsided in his hallway.  
He pushed the kitchen door open, not daring to look back at his hall.

''No,'' he thought, ''Nezumi's scarf isn't in my hallway. It couldn't, it couldn't be, no, no, no.,'' he held his head like he had a migraine.  
He fumbled for the door handle, but his hands shook so violently he had to give up. He sank to his knees, not allowing himself to cry. He'd vowed to never cry over Nezumi again, even though he cries in his sleep every night. He wasn't letting this get to him. Suddenly, and idea passed into his head. He cocked his head to view the scarf on the floor again. It all made sense now, he began to let out a sad laugh. He crossed his knees, not believing his own stupidity.  
''It must be one of Anna's scarves,'' he said out loud, quietly, ''I'm such an idiot..''  
He thought about Anna's colourful coats, she must have only got the new one recently, he was barely ever home to see her, so what would he know? He laughed, still not finding the energy to stand up. He reached his pale hands over towards the scarf. He held it in his hands, barely daring to breathe. 

He lifted the soft material towards his face. It didn't feel new, but he assumed it was just wishful thinking. He remembered one of Safu's old psychology books saying something about seeing what you want to see if you want it badly enough. He leaned in close, one last check. Even though he knew he was right, it wouldn't hurt to just check. He held the mustard scarf to his nose, burrowing his face deep in the soft, worn material. He stopped short, closing his eyes. This scarf smelled just like Nezumi, it brought him right back to those last moments they had together. He knew he was just imagining all this, Nezumi took his scarf with him that day, but this scarf smelled so real. It smelled like home. He could almost see Nezumi's steel grey eyes, boring into his soul. He felt a single tear fall down his cheek, but he wiped it away with the scarf. He must have lain there for hours, clutching the scarf felt like he was holding Nezumi. He closed his eyes, tears dripping down his cheeks and onto the material of the scarf. He realized that maybe this was, in fact, Nezumi's scarf. It couldn't be, but it felt just like him ,smelled like him, it had to belong to the raven – haired boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry so short but I want to have a few shorter filler chapters, like this one, and save my time and energy for the big, important chapters idk  
> ps: follow me on tumblr otaku-mikaela thanks xo


	3. No 'Just in case'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shion remembers that day in No 6, and how he and Nezumi had shared a kiss he'd never forget.

//

'Guiding us to her, huh?'' Nezumi looked up at the steel elevator, he knew this could be the last time he ever sees Shion, the last day of his life. He had already decided before they left that he wouldn't be returning, he would die if meant Shion could be safe. Shion would be better without him anyway, he was weighing him down, Shion was so bright, people knew before he even spoke that they liked him. How? How did he manage to make the world love him like that? 

No one had ever loved Nezumi, he didn't know what it felt like until he met Shion. He knew he had to make these last days with him count. He almost did it, on the way in here. He almost told Shion everything, but he stopped himself. He wanted Shion to know before he died, but what was stopping him? He'd always been brashly honest, but when it came to Shion he always managed to get a lump in his throat. His heart raced when Shion looked at him. He hated him, but he loved him all the same. He stayed up at night wondering if Shion felt the same way. He treated everyone with kindness, so was the way he treated Nezumi just his personality or was it more? All these stupid questions he couldn't answer. But today, his last day on earth, he knew he was going to get the answers. Now was as good a time as any. 

The elevator whirred and screeched open, it's blue toned lights made Nezumi feel artificial, he felt like he wasn't even real anymore. He was hanging onto Shion's arm, his tufty white hair rubbing against his cheek. He could feel his body heat, he could feel Shion's heart pounding. They stumbled into the elevator, Shion resting Nezumi on the cold bars along the side. They were face to face. Nezumi could barely move, his leg would gushing blood. But he knew that this was the time, the time to tell Shion. Quickly, he moved his hand into a fist and pushed the emergency stop button. The elevator jolted to a halt, Shion losing his balance for a second but regaining himself a bit closer to Nezumi than they were both comfortable with. Neither of them moved. 

Shion blushed, his eyes averting to the floor,  
''Hey! What did you do that for?''  
Nezumi looked at the top of Shion's head, his heart thudding loud enough he was sure the elevator echoed with the sounds,  
''I.. ,'' he swallowed hard, trying to regain composure, ''I have to talk to you, before all of this goes down, in case I don't make it..'' he trailed off, waiting for Shion to respond or even look at him. Shion looked directly in front of him, not daring look Nezumi in the eyes when they were this close to one another.  
''You're going to make it, don't talk like that!'' he looked more upset than Nezumi had realized.  
''It's just in case, Shion, I..'' Shion had tears streaming down his face, desperately trying to keep his composure.  
''No, Nezumi. No 'just in case'! We're getting out of here, together. You and I are going to go back to your house and live there forever. I'll cook, I'll get a job, we will be happy. I swear on it.'' he was bright red.  
''Shion..'' was all Nezumi could say.

He reached his hand under Shion's chin, making him look up at him. His heart was pounding, and could feel himself almost begin to blush. He looked into Shion's eyes, dropping his hand. He decided to pull him in for a hug. Something purely platonic. A simple, reassuring hug. It wasn't what he wanted, but it would make Shion feel better. As he wrapped his arms around the white haired boy, Shion reached his hands around Nezumi's neck and kissed him. Nezumi was taken aback, he didn't know Shion felt the same way about him. Shion's face was on fire, his heart thudding out of his chest. Nezumi unclenched his fist, putting his hands through Shion's hair. The two boys stayed this way for what like an eternity. Neither wanted to move. Shion had one leg between Nezumi's, their bodies fitting together perfectly.  
Shion stepped back, his face bright red. 'I, .. I'm so sorry Nezumi. I just..'' he hated himself for not being able to form a proper sentence. Nezumi turned his head to the side, raising his arm to cover his blushing face. Shion hit the button and the elevator restarted, moving down. He was worried Nezumi hated him for what he did, for how he felt. He wasn't even sure then how he felt. All he knew was he wanted to do that again. 

//

Shion opened his eyes. This memory haunted him every night, he couldn't stop thinking about that kiss they shared. Shion was sure it scared Nezumi away, but so much happened that day. Too much to just set aside and just forget about. He had been so close to Nezumi, he could feel his body heat, he could touch his skin, he could smell his scarf. It was this moment Shion realized that the scarf he held in his arms was that of Nezumi, the only person he'd ever loved. But what did it mean? He had taken it with him the day he left, why was it in Shion's closet? He had a headache thinking about these things. Just when he thought he was doing okay again, Nezumi came back and messed everything up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SHORT PLEASE DON'T HATE ME  
> I thought it would be fun to add an AU/headcanon from the last episode (which could have totally happened)  
> I'm having so much fun with this story seriously so I'll try to update frequently, but my spacebar is broken so it takes so much time to write the chapters, but I'll try to get it fixed soon :3


	4. The Truth Runs Wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''Awake, wide-eyed  
> I'm screaming at me  
> Trying to keep faith and picture his face  
> Staring up at me''  
>  -Troye Sivan ''Heaven''

Shion:

Shion awoke to his empty house. Dust danced about his face, glinting in the morning light. Beams of light looked heavenly, cutting through the monotone that filled the room he sat in. He sighed, lifting his head to look at the pale sky. Squinting, he peered at the pink and orange sky that tinted the room. It looked like someone had smeared paint across a canvas, it made him want to paint. He had started drawing when Nezumi left. He'd always held Nezumi's love of art close to him, the way he loved theatre and books. He'd always been envious of him for it, Shion felt so inadequate around him. Shion wasn't allowed to read books about anything other than science. Even now, he can't bring himself to get the whole way through a book. He slept with a copy of Hamlet under his pillow. He told Anna that it was his favourite book, but, in truth, he'd never even read it. He wanted to have art in his life, but books couldn't make him feel anything. He started to sketch, then draw, then he painted. He painted his mother and she loved it so much she keeps it in his old room at her house. He didn't know he'd been good at it until now, in No. 6 he was always the smart on, working on perfecting theorems and writing research papers. Now he didn't care about any of that, he just wanted to draw. 

Now, he pulled out his easel and paints. The crisp, white canvas was rough to touch as his fingers traced it one last time before he covers it with paint. The smell of the paint stung his nose, the twang of vinegar and chemicals smelling like home to him. His brush stroked the canvas, pools of yellow, purple, pink and orange shrouded the canvas and engulfed the textile. He smiled, looking back and the sky and back at his work. He never could quite capture the life that radiated off the morning sun, but the swirls on his canvas had their own life. He poured his soul into every movement, and the painting felt like it radiated his own emotions, his life force captured into on still moment. It felt like sadness. It felt like he'd mixed his own tears into the paint. Maybe he had, he never knew when he cried nowadays, it all just felt like one big blur.

Today had to be the day, he thought, the day I can be free one way or another. Anna had left him a note saying she had to go to No. 5 for an emergency, so he would be alone for 2 more days. He leant back in his chair, stretching out his arms and yawning. He felt lazy like he was in a fuzzy haze. He smiled, a single tear falling down his cheek.   
''Yes,'' he said aloud, ''today is the day.'' 

Nezumi : 

Nezumi swayed at the alley corner, lighting a cigarette and sighing deeply. He moved his hair off his drenched forehead. He tried to look nowhere but directly in front of him, so as not to cry. He blinked furiously. It was only when he was that alone he felt this sadness, weighing down on him like someone was pushing down on his chest. All this time and he was so close to No. 6 again. He didn't want to go back to that place, not now. It had been too long, he had never meant for this to happen. He just couldn't handle everything back there, Shion was like a light after years of darkness and his eyes weren't used to it. He just needed five minutes to get used to it, but he couldn't bring himself to back. God knows he'd thought about it, but he stuck with what he knew, being alone. 

He knew he'd made a mistake going back that day. He'd had a long day, his last client hadn't paid up and he'd had to send people out for him. It always made him feel shit doing it, but the guy was a scumbag anyway; crumpled work shirt, sweat beads dripping from his forehead and a huge ketchup stain dripping down his front. He'd reminded Nezumi as to why he hated living on this earth. Either way, he gave him what he asked for and he ran for it. Nezumi just laughed and signalled to his left, down the opposite alleyway. They took down the guy before he even got across the road. 

Even still, it played so much on his mind. The man was the epitome of scum. He didn't know what to do, his head was still spinning and before he knew what was happening he was getting off the train at No. 6 and outside Inukashi's door. He found out where Shion was, but made Inukashi swear not to tell anyone that he was here, or else he would leave again. When he got into Shion's house, the door was left unlocked, unsurprisingly, he could bring himself to walk in. he just sat by the door, the night air stinging the end of his nose. He knew he shouldn't have come back here, 

Shion didn't want to see him. He was safer without him, Shion couldn't get hurt while he was away. Shion didn't love him, he knew that, but it was so hard to let go. He didn't want to be his friend, but Shion did. He had to stay far away until he had no feelings for him. He thought he was safe, but being outside the house made him realise that he still loved the white haired boy, so he couldn't stay. He was walking away when the night wind took his scarf from his neck. He stopped, wanting to turn back to retrieve it. But he couldn't, as part of him wanted Shion to find the scarf and know he was, at least, alive. So he left it, clinging to the door handle of Shion's house, and went back to No.5.

Maybe Shion hadn't seen it, it was weeks ago, but part of him hoped so much that Shion had found it. Crisp, early morning air formed crystals of breath around his head, the dark alleyway oozing grime. This was his last jobs of the night, until tomorrow night. If it even was night. He looked in the direction of the clock in the town centre. It read 3:47 am. Morning time. A figure was approaching him in the dark, a small frame with a ponytail. He recognised her as his customer. She moved closer to him, her blond hair and blue eyes now visible. She was in a nurses uniform, he could see. She hid her face in the ground, gesturing a hand towards Nezumi. 

 

''Money first,'' he said, looking down at her name badge. He couldn't make it out, but it read 'Butterfly House Elderly Care Centre'. He knew she was from No. 6.  
She sighed, holding out a wad of money tied with a rubber band. She was looking into his eyes now, he could recognise her as one of his recurring customers. He didn't know her name, but she didn't cause trouble. He handed her the brown jiffy bag and she took a step forward to retrieve it. Her name badge was visible in the faint streetlight. She turned and walked away quickly. Like he said, no trouble. At least, he knew her name now, after this long. How long was it? He thought. Around 6 months. She turned the corner. Nezumi looked down at the damp ground. ''What an unusual name,'' he said aloud, ''Anna.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a while i have SO much coursework due :(  
> i'm writing the next chapter as i publish this so i'll maybe post it tomorrow or tonight idk


	5. Keep Faith, Save Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is finally the day, for both boys.

Nezumi lifted his head to look at the sky above him, it swirled like someone had spilled paint. He frowned, it looked like a mess. He sighed, pushing his hands into his jacket pockets and walked out of the alley. That Anna girl was nowhere to be seen. 'She was from No. 6,' he thought 'maybe she knows...no, don't think about him, Nezumi.'  
He squeezed his eyes shut and moved forward, cutting through the thick smog that engulfed his feet. For a brief moment, he wondered if Shion was wading through similar air in the old No. 6, but he stopped himself. All around him, he saw different people; young prostitutes looking nervous and old prostitutes flaunting themselves, old men circling them like vultures picking their prey, young boys in tracksuits making shady deals in the shadows. Nezumi knew all of them, they all bought from him. He walked through the road and people moved for him. Anyone would think he enjoyed it, but he hated them all. They don't have any purpose, they're all just selling their lives for money. He needed to get out of this place, but it was the only place he could fit in. Even so, he knew one false move could be fatal, so he kept to himself, he had no friends here. 

Shion walked silently through the crowd, his eyes glazed over with tears. He had dreamt for so long for this moment, but now it was here he wasn't sure what to do. His hands were violently shaking already, frozen from the sharp morning wind. People were already walking around, going to work at this hour. He glanced at his watch, it read 3:47 am. His feet padded slowly on the concrete ground, taking him any way they felt. It didn't feel like time yet, so he just walked. He didn't feel tired, he felt fuzzy and happy. His heart pounded out of his chest, his brow furrowed and drenched with sweat. He felt a mix of dread and pure serenity. Today was the day.

Nezumi felt cold wind pierce his hair and sting his face. He closed his eyes and stopped against the side of a building. Something was tugging at his heart, he felt like something was calling him. He wasn't sure why, but he needed to see Shion, for real this time. He took a deep breath, his exhale showing in clouds around his face. It was so cold this time of year, he could hardly stand it. He moved away from the wall, pushing his hair out of his face. He looked in the direction of the train station wistfully, and he felt something take hold of him. He started to run. The same cold wind that had brushed against his face earlier was slapping him, his feet pounded the hard ground. The streets were almost desolate, only the odd car or person on a morning run. The melting sky was showing signs of turning blue, pale fragments of purple breaking up over silver clouds. His heart thumped, the rhythmic breaking the desolate silence of the street. C l i c k. The doors of the station opened. C l i c k. The ticket machine bleeped. C l i c k. The train door swung closed behind him. He sat down, diverting his eyes to the dirty floor. Footprints merged with slush and empty wrappers of something. All he could think about was Shion. His hair was carefree, like him. His eyes had that glint in them that looked like the whole world would stop if he blinked. C l i c k. the doors swung open at No. 6.

Shion could hear birds beginning to wake somewhere far behind him. Industry hung in the air, tainting the atmosphere pale yellow. He looked up at the sky he'd so fondly mused over at that morning. The pools of pink and yellow were fading, like someone had thrown water on them. The yellow crumbled and sloshed underneath it. He felt like he could touch this liquid sky. In the distance, he could hear the slush of water mixed with the whoosh and whirr of cars. He was close. The city centre was getting further and further away, the train station clock like a twig amidst the tree of the city. Almost time, he thought.

Nezumi wanted to stop, turn around and go back. Shion didn't want him, no one wanted him. But still, something tugged him along. It reminded of what Shion had said about Safu back on that day. She was leading him to her. He felt like he was being lead to Shion. He ran out of the station. No.6 looked completely different, the buildings a warped version of their past selves. Shion had gotten his wish, all right. Even in this foreign No. 6, Nezumi could feel himself being lead through knots of people, darting around corners painted clean white. He could feel tears pushing against his eyes again, but he wasn't letting them past the barrier of his pupils. He reached a high point overlooking the outer city. He could see houses, trees and a huge river. He could see a bridge in the far distance. He knew this was the way he had to go.

Shion could feel a dopey smile creep onto his face as he approached the gleaming bridge. It reflected the light back into his eyes. They were red again. He touched his snake scar, tracing it the way Nezumi had so long ago. He didn't want to cry but it felt almost necessary. The cold metal on the railing was cloudy, and was almost painful to touch. No one was around, perfect. He looked into the sky. It was almost completely awash with blue, the yellow creeping away, the pink following obediently. He took off his coat, feeling the morning air cut his pale skin. He took off his shoes, then his socks, feeling the cold ground of his feet. He grasped at the railing, squeezing his eyes shut. 

Nezumi had never needed to run this much. He felt like he was being pushed forward, propelled almost. He scoffed himself for being cheesy. Jesus, Shion you better be worth this, he thought. He already knew the answer.

Shion leaned over the bar, looking down at the thrashing water of the river below him. The sounds of the crashing liquid pounded his ears. He closed his eyes and shouted into nothingness. He felt like a little kid again, his eyes filling with tears as he could feel his dead vocal chords waking up and stretching until they snap. He opened his eyes, smiling down at the sloshing below him. He stood up on the railing, feeling the cold spread through his toes. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. This was it.  
''I'm sorry mom, '' he thought ''but now is the time. I've got to finally let myself slip away. I don't have anything left to live for. I acted happy for you, but really I can't take this anymore. I love you. Nezumi, I hope you find happiness wherever you are. Maybe you found huge jungles. Maybe you went to the ocean and sailed away. Maybe you fell in love. I hope she's nice. I hope she loves you as much as I love you.'' He looked back at the bridge, seeing the first few figures emerge from the dense residential area. He silently hoped they had a good life, and took a step forward, face to face with the river below him. He imagined the stirring pools of paint in the sky that morning, the liquid colours forming before his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut and reached forward, touching the droplet of pink and purple. He could feel the liquid engulf his face, sinking into his lungs and clogging his throat. He felt a smile creep onto his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lateee sorry but this is sad so it was hard to write so :3  
> ps HoLy ShIt 200 hits YaS oMg


	6. I was late, but I arrived

Shion fell like a petal onto water. His body curved gracefully and his eyes closed into a pristine, corpse-like figure. The world seemingly fell silent in that moment, only the trickle of water to fill the void. Nezumi leaned over the bar, his hands outreached, his face contorted in pain. Still, tears could not come to him. Shion hit the water in a delicate splash, the water engulfing him in a mass of bubbles and pale white skin. He sank slowly, his hands reaching towards the beams of light that penetrated the waters surface. It seemed godly, angelic. Light met dark in the water, as Shion sank further into the abyss. 

Nezumi, almost unhesitating, dove off the bridge. His head was stinging, his heart gripped with a dull ache. He hit the water with a cutting splash, his body sinking into the cold water. All noise ceased once more, just water swishing through his ears and his own heart beating fast. He spun around, his face tangling in his hair, searching for the pale glimmer of Shion. His hands reached out, searching. He caught onto the back of Shion's light blue shirt. His heart dropped, as he wrapped his arms around his slight frame. He felt small, like a child. Nezumi clutched him to his body and pushed towards the surface. They broke the water surface, a tangled mess of body and wet. Shion's eyes were closed, his hair sleeked to his head with water. Nezumi holding him like this felt all too familiar, but this time, they didn't have a God to rescue them. Just a bunch of useless mortals, like him.

And Nezumi was running again, clutching Shion, both of them dripping wet. A bead of water from Nezumi's hair dropped onto Shion's face, falling like a tear and dripping onto his chin. Nezumi looked up at the sky. It was a pure blue, pinprick clouds settled at the bottom. The sun was centre stage, a blister on the blue plane that encircled them. He brushed the hair off Shion's face, not daring to feel for a pulse. He thought he could feel his rhythmic breathing and his heart thudding through his body, but it could all be wishful thinking. Maybe this whole this was wishful thinking, and he was passed out on the side of the road in No. 5 after being sold some bad acid. But this felt so real he couldn't help but panic. Streetlights turned off as they passed them, the first signs of morning breath life into the city. Houses lit up in their bedroom windows, televisions buzzed on, window sashes threw open. Life filtered in through every outlet, seeping towards them. 

Shion's house lay desolate, the life drained from the inside out. The city was tinged yellow, but this house was tainted blue. Inside the house, dust darted away from the open door as Nezumi set Shion on the couch. His face was serene, closed eyes, straight mouth. Nezumi leant over him, feeling for his pulse. His heart was beating steadily. Nezumi fell back onto the floor, his face crumpled. He held his head in his hands, feeling his forehead drip with sweat and water from the river. He searched the house, peering around the lifeless rooms. He laid Shion on his bed, his eyes still closed, his breathing steady. Nezumi flopped beside him, staring at the blank ceiling. One single crack streamed across the white ceiling. All he could hear was Shion breathing. Nezumi thought of leaving again. Any long amount of time spent around Shion always hurt him. He needed to let Shion be happy. But still, Shion was weak. He needed his help. He should stay.

It would be so easy. To turn the cold metal handle and be gone. Feel the air of the outside hit him once again. Oh, how he wanted to. Leaving was easier than staying, always. But this time, he just couldn't bring himself to leave. He stared at Shion's sleeping body for too long. It had been so long since he'd seen him. He hadn't changed a bit. Still the same innocent look, the same translucent skin, the same pointed chin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm releasing this with another chapter bc i wrote them as one but it felt like it neede to be 2 idk guys oKaY


	7. Black and Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shion is conscious, but not exactly of a sound mind...

Cold circled Shion. He could barely feel his limbs for a split second, but then he felt a sharp sting in every muscle. He felt heavy pressure weighing down on his head, his fingertips felt icy. He was staring at his own ceiling. Was this hell? He wouldn't be surprised. All he could remember was icy cold spools of purple and bubbles of yellow, followed by a warm, familiar grasp. And a drip of water on his cheek. Maybe it was his own tear. This wasn't death, but where was he?

He lifted his head slowly, a dizzying pain settling over his temples. His clothes he'd left in were sitting on the end of the bed, coat and all. He was wearing his blue shirt and jeans. It was pitch black, only a small stream of light emitting from behind the door. He could see the faint glow of streetlights outside the high window. He could hear noise from the living room, but he thought Anna was home early. He held his head in his hands. Anna had found him on the riverbank and brought him to the hospital. He sighed, hoping to escape through the window to reclaim his suicide. But he owed it to Anna to show his face, she must have been distraught. He couldn't think of a good excuse as the what happened. Maybe he could just tell Anna about Nezumi? Tell her that he's not in love with her, nor is he even interested in girls. This all felt too similar to Safu. And that turned out rather unfavourably, to say the least. No, he would tell her he fell in by accident. After taking off his shoes and coat. This is hard, he thought. He should just go out there, in spite of his embarrassment. He would probably have to face his mother soon, her distraught face thinking she had failed as a mother. 

He moved across the bed, feeling the warm sheets crumple underneath him. He took a deep breath, grasping at the door handle. He pushed through the door, into the living room. The room was lit in a pale yellow, the whole place a mess of bed sheets. Anna must have been so upset with him that she had to sleep on the sofa. He traced his fingers over the soft blankets. No one was here, maybe Anna was back at work? He made himself a cup of tea and sat on the sofa. He drank slowly, holding back tears building under his eyes. He felt heavy again. 

The door crept open, cool night air seeping like a flood. Shion turned his head, half expecting to be met with tears and half expecting to be shouted at. What he wasn't expecting was the person standing in front of him. Looming in the doorway was Nezumi, the person he'd died for at No. 6 that day, the person who left him, the only person he'd ever loved. Nezumi looked shocked to see him, but masked his emotions quickly, averting his eyes to the ground and walking forward. He now stood face to face with Shion. It was as if no time had passed since they last saw one another. Nezumi could feel Shion's eyes burrowing into him. He cleared his throat, looking at the ceiling,  
''You're an idiot to think killing yourself was any kind of answer,'' he finally said.  
Shion froze, his face flushing the kind of bright red only Nezumi could coax out of him.  
''You hardly left me much choice,'' Shion began, ''you're the one who left me.'' 

Shion could hear Nezumi's breath hitch. Nezumi waited for the inevitable question, why did he leave? But it never came. He sat back down on the sofa. He hit the leather with a thump, Shion's tea slightly spilling in the process. He stared straight forward, his legs outstretched. Shion blinked, eyeing the back of Nezumi's head. He set his tea down and walked towards the sofa. His head thumped and he could feel himself begin to slip back into sleep. This wasn't like the grand reunion he'd imagined. Nezumi was too stubborn for that. He was hiding again, but Shion was good at finding him, the real him. Shion ran back into his room, grabbing under his pillow. Nezumi was trying to ignore him, but seeing him again made him realize just how good Shion was at coaxing out the real him.

Shion darted back into the room, object in hand. He crawled over the arm of the sofa, sitting across from Nezumi. He extended an arm towards him, a battered old copy of Hamlet in hand. Nezumi looked at Shion's sleepy eyes and took the book from him.  
''Read to me, Nezumi,'' Shion sighed, sprawling out on the sofa, head rested on Nezumi's lap. He closed his eyes and Nezumi began to read him the opening of Hamlet. Shion opened one eye and said, ''Nezumi, did you save me? From the river, I mean.'' he sounded like a child, yawning his words.  
''So what if I did, Shion?'' it felt so good to say his name again.  
''Nothing.'' he smiled and fell asleep after a few paragraphs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, sorry this is short but it's in conjunction with the last chapter  
> i'm just ~stylising~ this shit okay just let it happen
> 
> pps lowkey guys i try to use all my best SAT words and descriptive shite in the chapters and then you get to my authors notes part and i'm a hyperactive 9 year old with NONe of the grammar so sorry bout it


	8. Liquid Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shion and Nezumi finally reach breaking point

Shion felt his heavy eyelids push open. His head felt like he had a concrete brick rested on it. He could only register things slowly, his head feeling fuzzy, beginning with the feeling of warmth that was spreading through his living room. He was in the living room, he soon realized. He could feel a rhythmic breathing vibrating behind his head, but it took him a few seconds to realize that this was out of the ordinary. His body tensed, his sensation of touch kicking back in. He could feel warm muscles relaxing under his face. 

His eyes widened, his hazy brain barely able to comprehend why he was still alive let alone what he was doing at present. Slowly, he lifted his head. The rush of blood to the head made memories recoil back into his brain. Soaking wet, wind beating his face, someone recounting to him in soft words. Nezumi. 

The world slowed down, he barely breathed. He didn't dare to move a muscle. His face was an inch away from Nezumi's, his body heat beating against him like waves. His hand twitched, his mouth curled up into a tight line. He wanted to touch him to make sure he was real. Just one brush against his sleeping face. He wouldn't even feel it if this was all real. For all he knew, this was heaven. If this was heaven then he had Nezumi, if this was real he had Nezumi. 

What's there to lose? Shion lowered his eyes, beams of morning light wrapping around his outstretched hand. Taking a deep breath, he let his pale fingertips hover over the sleeping boys cheek for a second. He couldn't do it, he felt strangely nervous about touching his former best friend. He thought of all the times they'd shared a bed, how he had wrapped his arms around Nezumi's neck in his sleep. how their legs somehow always ended up entangled. He wasn't nervous then. He had to do this. He took one last look at Nezumi, one arm draped off the arm of the chair, head tilted just slightly to the side. The corner of his mouth was open slightly, the soft sound of his breathing filling the room. 

And he did it. He pressed his fingertips onto Nezumi's cheek. It felt hot, like Shion's freezing hands would create steam between them. He deepened his touch, almost cupping the boys cheek. He exhaled slowly, letting himself acknowledge that this was real. He let his hand slip across his sharp jawline and into his hair, catching a strand in his fingertips. He twirled it around his fingers, feeling the soft black hair melt into his skin. 

Shion dropped his hand to his side and sat back onto his feet. He could almost hear his heart pounding out of his chest as Nezumi's eyes flickered open. Cold grey eyes settled onto Shion's face. Shion's face was expressionless. Nezumi waited for him to say something. Shion said nothing. Nezumi sighed, standing up over Shion. 

''You're a real idiot, I hope you know that'' Nezumi said, looking up at the ceiling.  
Shion said nothing, still. Nezumi waited for Shion to defend himself like he always did. Instead, Shion looked at the floor, his face a clear slate. 

''Shion?'' Nezumi spoke softly, almost afraid of Shion.

Shion didn't speak, locking his gaze to the blank wall facing him. Nezumi didn't know what to do, this wasn't what he thought would happen once Shion was of sound mind again. He thought Shion would be angry and curse him or cry or hug him. Shion had always held his heart on his sleeve, it was Nezumi's job to be cold and emotionally distant. 

''Shion,'' Nezumi said curtly. He wanted Shion to react; to push him, punch him, kick him, anything to fill the awkward void that filled the room.

Shion tilted his head to face the black haired boy and stood up. He noticed he was almost a head shorter than Nezumi now and he could feel Nezumi's hot breath hitting his forehead. He heard Nezumi's breath hitch as stood up. For a moment, their eyes met. Nezumi felt himself melt into the pools of pale red. But the moment was over and Shion turned and walked to the kitchen. Nezumi felt his hand twitch, he wanted to grab Shion's hand and pull him into an embrace. But he couldn't. He had always been like this, passing up precious opportunities with Shion because of his own walls. 

Nezumi dug his hands into his pockets, looking away from Shion. Shion looked back at him. Shion noticed how the tendons on his neck stretched out when he turned his head like that. He leaned against the kitchen counter, trying to catch his breath. 

''Will you just say something?!'' Nezumi lost composure for a second. He grimaced, lowering his gaze to the floor.

Shion stopped short, looking towards Nezumi. Nezumi mentally prepared for that question he still didn't know the answer to.

But it didn't come. Shion, instead, stepped forward, burrowing his hands into the sleeves of his sweater. He took a deep breath and collapsed to the ground, burying his head in his hands. His head shook from side to side violently and he felt his body shiver fiercely. His face contorted in pain as he pushed back tears. Why did this all have to be so bleak? 

Nezumi felt his heart tear apart. Looking at Shion in pain brought everything back for him, his urge to hold Shion in his arms until everything was all right again. He wanted to brush that wild, snowy white hair out Shion's face and trace over his snake scar. He felt his whole body magnetise to Shion, sitting on the floor in pain. He suddenly saw just how broken Shion had become, how being alone after the events at No.6 chipped away at him. He felt the same way, but he'd always been that way. Despite what he said, Nezumi wanted to preserve Shion's endearing innocence. His selfless, bright personality should never have been reduced to a shaking heap on the floor.

To Shion's surprise, Nezumi dropped down to kneel beside him. He looked at Shion for a moment, before reaching his hand and placing it on Shion's hunched shoulder. Shion stiffened at the sudden touch, his shaking stopping. He raised his gaze to meet Nezumi's. 

Shion touched Nezumi's hand, feeling the warmth spread through his fingertips. He leaned his head against it, nuzzling his nose into Nezumi's sleeve. He closed his eyes, not wanting to look at Nezumi. Nezumi felt his breathing stop. He had that urge again. It was stronger now Shion was closer, he could almost read his eyes. He moved his hand into Shion's, feeling Shion's cold touch on his. He stood up, helping Shion to his feet also. 

Neither of them could speak. Nezumi never was good at expressing his feelings, that was always Shion. Nezumi turned away, his back to Shion. He couldn't look at him anymore, it felt like someone was stabbing him in the heart every time Shion flashed his sad eyes in Nezumi's direction. Nezumi felt Shion take a step forward in his direction. 

Shion placed a hand on Nezumi's elbow, spinning him around. He gripped him tightly, throwing both his arms around Nezumi's neck. He could feel Nezumi step back, stiffening at the sudden contact. Nezumi's warm breath was beating against Shion's neck. Nezumi melted into Shion's arms, burying his head in the crook of Shion's neck. They stayed stationary for a second, getting readjusted to each others touch again. It felt like home to be clinging to Nezumi again.

 

It felt like a weird mix of informality and formality being this close to one another again. They both wanted to go back to the way everything was before Nezumi had left, but so much had changed. They were so close but so distant from each other.  
''Nezumi,'' Shion broke the silence that encased them, ''We should talk about.. everything,''

Nezumi sighed, creating space between their mingled bodies. He didn't want to ruin the moment with messy talking about his mistakes.

''We should, but I can't find words,'' Shion continued, ''I just want to..'' he trailed off, looking into Nezumi's eyes once again.

''Shion,'' Nezumi began, but he was interrupted by Shion moving his face dangerously close to his own. Their noses almost touched, their lips inches from a kiss. Shion tightened his arms around Nezumi's neck. This was bad, Nezumi thought. Being this close when Shion was this vulnerable and broken. He raised his hand to Shion's grip on his neck, trying to unravel the knot he'd trapped him in. Shion caught Nezumi's wrist, pushing Nezumi back onto the wall behind him,

''I just have to see..'' Shion whispered, moving his face closer still to Nezumi's. He felt their lips collide in a soft kiss. 

Shion immediately sprung back, not daring to meet Nezumi's eyes. Nezumi moved forward, tilting Shion's face towards his and kissing him again. A proper kiss, this time, a deeper kind of kiss. Nezumi had felt a longing for Shion's touch for two years now and now he was finally here with him. Shion immediately returned the kiss, one hand cupping Nezumi's cheek, the other still gripping his wrist. It felt like Shion was melting into him, his hot breath mingling with his as Shion let out a soft moan. Nezumi released his wrist from Shion's grip and pushed Shion's hand over his head against the wall. 

Soon, there was no space between them, Nezumi softly holding Shion's body against the wall. Shion felt a blush creep up his cheeks when Nezumi touched his neck with his free hand. The other hand held their interlaced fingers. There was so much longing between them, so much anger mixed with love in their kiss. It felt like someone had finally cut a string that had been pulled to the breaking point. The room was spinning, the whole world liquefying until it was just both their bodies locked together. 

Shion heard a loud bang from near them and an orange rolling towards his foot. He saw Anna standing in the doorway, tears welling up in her eyes, grocery bag spilling over the ground. She looked as though someone had slapped her in the face, her eyes filled with a visible pain. She looked at Shion, then Nezumi. Nezumi had one hand pinning Shion's hand over his head and the other tugging on the hem of Shion's sweater. 

''Sh... Shion?'' she croaked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *insert monkey covering eyes emoji* sorryy


	9. I love everything you do, when you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nezumi, Anna and Shion share an awkward exchange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short but it's only because i'm finishing this up next chapter and i want there to be 10 chapters bc idk ocd

Nezumi took a single step back, feeling the hot gaze of the girl at the door boring into his skull. He dug his hands into his pockets, silently embarrassed that Shion's... neighbour(?) had walked in on them. He thought back on his previous actions regarding Shion, guilt swelling in his mind as he cursed himself for letting himself go that far with the boy. He turned to face the female voice that had interrupted them just moments ago, stopping short when he caught a glimpse of the tears streaming down her face. Soft afternoon light glinted off the water as it flowed down her cheeks. Nezumi could see the solid pain in her eyes and the dull ache that she spread across the room. Why does this random person care about who Shion kisses? It's not like she's his....

''Anna please,'' Shion began, a dismayed look of sadness and confusion clouding his eyes, ''it's not..''

''It's not what it looks like?!'' Anna shouted, grasping her own arms to steady herself, ''Do you think I'm that stupid?'' She had a look of pure pain that made Nezumi feel like there was something he was missing. He stared straight at Shion, who refused to meet his gaze, instead looking directly at the girl he called 'Anna',

''You don't understand, let me explain..'' Shion fumbled for the right words to soothe Anna's mind but failed miserably.

''Explain what Shion?'' she spat, turning her head now to Nezumi, who was nonchalantly standing against the wall Shion had previously leaned against. ''Explain how you dated me, got ENGAGED to me when all this time you liked... boys..'' she let that last word linger, saying it in a small voice while looking at the ground.

Shion took a step forward, one hand outstretched at the shrivelling girl. Dated. Engaged. Those words pressed on Nezumi's mind. He felt a stabbing feeling in his heart as his throat caught on nothingness, trapping air in his lungs, drowning him from the inside out. 

''I.. I'm so sorry..'' he stammered out, tears filling his pale red eyes. 

Suddenly, Nezumi felt an intense anger spread through him, seeing Shion so upset. He didn't have to explain himself to this girl, no matter what was going on between them.  
''Don't speak to him like that, he doesn't owe you anything,'' he felt himself say. The words escaped his mouth before he could stop them. He gritted his teeth, instant regret filling him. 

Shion looked up at him, flashing him a small, sad smile before meeting Anna's gaze once more.   
''You don't understand Anna, just let me explain and we can decide where to got from there, I promise.''

There it was, Nezumi thought, that calm, comforting Shion that he loved so much. Love. He couldn't bear to think of that word anymore. So many thoughts buzzed in his brain. Shion had kissed him first. Shion was engaged. Shion had tried to kill himself. He was left so dumbstruck he couldn't even try to think about anything other than what was happening right now. 

Pushing a tear from the corner of her eye, Anna snorted a brief 'okay' before sitting on the sofa. Her eyes were dark, her stature hunched. She looked up at Shion, ''Explain.''

Shion looked flustered, biting on a hangnail on his thumb for a second before turning to Nezumi. A small, apologetic smile turned up the corners of his mouth. ''Where to begin?'' he laughed nervously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooow one chapter left !! seriously thanks for reading this bs it makes me so happy :3  
> i am so sad and happy all at once omg  
> next chapter is coming today or tomorrow idk i have coursework due and the final chapter will hopefully be longer


	10. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4 years later, and Shion and Nezumi are settling into a comfortable life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow sorry this is late :3  
> it's no excuse but I had to get me appendix removed so I've been in pain for AGES i'm dying  
> anyway enjoy whatever this is

Shion opened his mouth a few times, breathy air catching in his throat each time. His eyes met the floor, studying the veining wood intently. He took a deep breath, flashing Nezumi a look of quiet apology. This was all his fault, he should never have pushed to move on from Nezumi. But Nezumi shouldn't have left him for so long for no reason. Anna deserved the truth after all Shion had done to her.

''It all started when we were twelve years old...'' Shion's voice rang out in the silent room. He slowly retold the tale of how he and Nezumi took down No.6. Everyone in the New No.6 knew the story, but Shion never wanted to talk about those events, so much rumour spread around and Nezumi was often left out.

 

Anna sat hunched on the sofa, her face contorted and tears subsiding as the story progressed. Nezumi leaned coolly against the wall near the door. His close proximity to the front door made Shion constantly look at him to make sure he didn't slip back out into the cool night air like he had done before. He stayed put regardless, not daring meet either party's eyes as soft orange slid into hazy darkness. Night was falling.

 

''and then Nezumi left.'' Shion's voice clipped, looking at the raven hair that hid Nezumi's face. ''I lived in our room in the west block for a few weeks, but Mother wanted me to come home.'' he looked Nezumi right in the steel silver eye, steadying his gaze before turning to face Anna.

''you know the rest.'' he nodded at her.

 

''I do,'' she said slowly, raising herself to meet Shion's eyes. ''he left you and you, in your vulnerable state, used me to rebound from someone who doesn't care about you enough to stay with you,'' her cheeks were flushed hot and tears finally stung her eyelids.

 

''No, you don't..'' Shion trailed off. She was right, he had used her.

 

''She's right, you know that,'' Nezumi finally spoke up. Shion's head snapped around to meet Nezumi's.

 

Shion clenched his teeth together, red heat flaring up on his cheeks. ''How can you say that?'' Shion felt himself half shouting, ''Say that you don't care about me? Don't you?!'' he felt tears sting his eyes, trailing down his cheeks.

There it was, that flare of unashamed emotion that Nezumi had always commented on. He'd tried so hard to suppress it, but now it flowed out like he was twelve all over again.

 

Nezumi winced, looking away from Shion's stinging gaze. ''No, I don't care about you,'' he gulped out, fighting tears that were collecting for seemingly the millionth time in the past few days. ''I owed you one, Shion. Now I've repaid that debt and saved your life _again_. And I'm leaving,'' he reached a hand towards the doorknob.

 

 _What are you doing, Nezumi?_ He thought, _you just found Shion again and you're going to leave? And all those things you said, how could you? You know you care about him, these two years have shown you that._

 

Pain pricked at Shion's eyes as he sprung forward. He grabbed Nezumi's arm, gripping the pale, leather bound wrist tightly. He squeezed his eyes shut. Nezumi froze, his eyes unable to move from the door knob his hand was hovering above. He was shaking.

 

''Is this what you do, Nezumi? Things get a little heavy and you leave? Are you afraid of confrontation, of talking?'' he spat out, an unusual harshness in his tone. But he couldn't help it, Nezumi was doing it again, pushing him away. But this time he wasn't letting him get away,

 

''No, Shion,'' Nezumi let his voice soften, turning to face Shion, who was still gripping his wrist. ''I'm afraid of you; who are you? Why do you make me so angry? Why can you evoke this kind of emotion from me? How do you do manage to confuse me? Why can't I see through you?'' he hesitated for a moment, looking away from Shion's eyes.

''Why do I care about you?'' Nezumi felt Shion's breath hitch, as his throat tightened over. This sudden burst of emotion was so embarrassingly sincere, it left a sour taste in Nezumi's mouth.

 

Shion let go of his grip on Nezumi, letting the tension in the air drop for a moment.

''Why?'' Shion whispered, ''You have the audacity to ask 'why?' when you... you're the one that left me! You HURT me, I almost killed myself over you! I... I've been so numb, like a shell of a person since you left, and you think _you_ can be angry at _me_?''

 

Silence fell over the room like a cold mist. Shion had sprung back from his position almost nose to nose with Nezumi. He cupped his ears with his hands, raking his hands through his snowy hair.

''Nezumi,'' Shion rasped, ''do you love me?'' he looked slowly at Nezumi's eyes.

 

They looked just the same as the day they first met those years ago, like smooth silver. They wormed their way past Shion's own red eyes and into his soul.

 

''Don't say stupid things, Shion,'' Nezumi gritted his teeth, pushing Shion's chest. ''Don't you dare,''

 

''NO-'' Shion cut him off, stiffening his stance to match Nezumi's tall stature, ''I deserve to know! I've been through hell because of you and you owe me, Nezumi, now answer my question!'' despite his harsh words, Shion's voice carried a softness tinged with pain.

 

Nezumi put two hands on Shion's shoulders, which were shaking with the tears he was now shedding. ''Do you hate me, Shion?'' he croaked.

 

''Nezumi, what did I tell you? No matter what happens, it's you and me, always. I could never be your enemy, never hate you,''

 

''But you don't love me, do you?'' Nezumi tried the mask the pain in his voice, but the words he was saying were filled with emotion. This was what he'd been wanting to ask for so long now.

 

''Nezumi,'' Shion took a step towards the boy, ''you know I love you,'' Shion's face flushed with embarrassment. What was he saying? This was all so stupid, Nezumi knows how he feels. But does he? Is that why he left? Only one way to find out.

 

''Did you leave me because you love me, Nezumi?'' Shion spoke quietly, touching the exposed skin between Nezumi's black leather gloves and black leather jacket. _He's got goosebumps,_ Shion thought.

 

Nezumi's breath hitched. He could feel his chest tighten under his layers of clothes. _No, not again. He's doing it again, making me confused, making me exposed, making me emote so frustratingly openly. How does he do it?_ Nezumi rested his head against Shion's soft mop of hair, burrowing his nose into the translucent strands.

''Oh Shion,'' Nezumi breathed softly, ''isn't it obvious?'' he smiled into Shion's forehead.

 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

 

_7 th September, 4 years later._

 

''Happy birthday, Shion,'' Nezumi muffled his words into the crook of white haired boys neck.

 

Smooth morning light faded into the bedroom, Shion's white hair tinted orange in the early morning light. Shion's eyes flickered open, beads of sweat sliding down his neck from last night's nightmares. Those nightmares were subsided by Nezumi holding him close, whispering words to bring him back to reality and stroking his hair. This was the drill almost every night and Shion and Nezumi were getting accustomed to finding solace in each other every night. Most of the time, Nezumi closed himself off around other people as usual, but Shion always found a way to wiggle him out of his fortress and show some emotion. Same as always. Nothing much changed, but everything changed.

 

''DADDY!!'' a small voice screeched from the door frame. A smile spread across the small person's voice as she bundled onto Shion's lap. Blankets twisted and bundled around them as the tiny person squeezed her arms around Shion's neck.

 

''Hey, Safu, you're choking me,'' Shion laughed, smiling down at his bubbling daughter.

 

''Hey, little monster, get off your dad before you kill him,'' Nezumi said flatly, ruffling the small girl's hair as she crossed her arms in mock anger.

 

''Sorry, Daddy,'' she smiled sickly sweetly at Nezumi.

 

''Hey, don't call me that, what did I tell you? My name's Nezumi, you brat,'' Nezumi faked anger, throwing a fake punch at their 2-year-old daughter, Safu. She lurched forward, using the fighting skills Nezumi had been teaching her since she could walk. She grappled with Nezumi until Shion broke them apart, rolling Safu onto the crumpled duvet and hugging her close to his chest.

 

_ One week later: _

 

_''What do you mean you're leaving Anna?'' Karan had half cried the words when Shion first told her ._

_''No, mom you don't understand, it's completely mutual,'' Shion laid a comforting hand on his mother's shoulder, ''I'm in love with someone else,'' he smiled at her._

 

_''Who is she? This girl you're in love with?'' she tried to fake a smile, confusion masking her face._

 

_''Nezumi,'' Shion looked at the ground. He knew his mother loved Nezumi, but she knew that Shion had been feeling so down since Nezumi left._

 

_ 1 year later: _

 

_''Anna please, I know I've treated you so bad, but we're friends, right?'' Shion bowed his head to the girl, her arms folded across her chest. Her face was stone cold, her blue eyes icily staring at Shion._

 

_Her face was fixed in a frown. ''Hmmm... let me think,'' she leaned back._

_''OF COURSE, I WILL SHION!'' she lunged at Shion, both of them breaking into dizzying laughter._

 

_''Thank you so much Anna!'' Shion cried, a smile stretching from ear to ear._

 

_''You're going to be a dad and I'm going to be the surrogate! How could I say no?!'' they were practically jumping with joy._

 

 

_The dull glass of the cot glinted in Shion's eyes. He couldn't move, his body paralysed with shock. This tiny creature, so dependent on others around them. Them. Was it a girl or a boy? He didn't care, but he harboured a secret hope that it would be a girl so he could name it..._

 

_''Safu...'' he spoke slowly. Nezumi snapped his head towards Shion. He tried to mask the confusion on his face._

 

_''I'm sorry,'' Shion lowered his head. Nezumi wrapped his arms around Shion's shoulders, burying his head into the boys neck._

 

_''It's perfect,'' Nezumi whispered into his ear, sending shivers down Shion's spine. He blushed, planting a kiss on Nezumi's forehead._

 

_The both looked intently at the sleeping bundle in the hospital cot before them. A soft whimper escaped the baby's lips, causing both boys to jolt forward._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so bad. it actually transcends bad and becomes an indescribable new dimension of pure shit,  
> I didn't want it to end like this, but I really can't finish this properly so I'm just going to have to leave it at this  
> thanks so much for sticking with this for so long (like 2 months but it feels like 9 years)


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